Older, Thankful, and Thinking of You
I have always been a huge believer in declaring your birthday a "National Holiday". My birthday is a HUGE deal to me. I've never had an over the top birthday though, that's not really my style (no, I didn't even get a car on my 16th birthday). I'm more focused on enjoying the little things about this special day. It's a day that I can spend time on me, and everyone respects that. Birthdays are exciting; turning a year older, reaching new milestones. It's a day we all look forward to (until you reach a certain age and start wishing time could go backwards).
For those of you who don't know, I turned 19 two days ago! Woohoo! Of course, as soon as the month of November came I had already put my birthday on my desk calendar and was counting down the days until the big one-nine (college has also taught me having something to look forward to is extremely good for the soul). The day slowly moved closer and I grew more and more excited. The night before my birthday, before I went to sleep, I said a prayer for my 19th year of life. I want it to be a great year with big things happening for me and I know that is impossible without God.
I also knew the next time I opened my eyes I would be 19 years old. Which, if you're a college student you know this, sleep in college (if you even get any) is, well... a game of chance. Waking up in the middle of the night will become the new norm. And that's exactly what I did. I woke up around 3 AM and was hit with the reality that I was older. And when I say hit, I mean HIT. I literally felt older. But being a tired, now 19 year old college student, I think I might have said happy birthday to myself before rolling over to fall back asleep again.
I woke up again around 7:50 and was greeted by several "Happy Birthday" texts followed by my boyfriend who made sure he was the first one here to tell me happy birthday. He was in a hurry so he ran in, placed my gift on my my nightstand, (which I was unaware of), told me happy birthday, and headed off to class. As I closed the door behind him I noticed the gift on my nightstand: a card and a Kendra Scott necklace. The card was one of the most touching and sincere cards I have ever received. I, of course, cried. (thanks again, J!) I then remembered that I had been told I had a package that I needed to pick up. Expecting to receive a general care package, I started to pretend it would be a birthday gift I'd be receiving. Little did I know it WAS in fact a birthday gift and it was from the one and only Grace Ann, my very best friend from high school. Again, I was more than touched by her generosity and her time and effort to make me feel special on my birthday.
I went the rest of my day feeling so loved, and I am so grateful for that. But along with feeling loved, I felt something else. I could see it in myself, too. I was older. Okay so obviously I was older, but I could not seem to figure out why I felt how I did. Every single year I turned older, so why on my 19th birthday did I finally feel older? Again, it hit me.
I felt older because when you're 17, waiting to become 18, all you can think about is becoming an "adult" (as written in one of my other posts, we have no idea what "adulthood" is). You think about all the things you can do, the places you can go, and the things you can buy (Spoiler Alert: you'll never get around to half of it). You think about finally becoming a legal adult. But when you turn 19, you realize you ARE an adult. You're not looking forward to all those things you were a year ago; the things you are looking forward to have changed. You're on the other side of it now. This was me yesterday. I sat and thought to myself "Yeah, I'm young and still have my whole life a head of me, but I'm actually getting older." It's a weird feeling, but, the feeling was great.
All in all, my birthday was one of the best birthdays I can remember. I didn't go anywhere super expensive, I didn't receive super expensive gifts, but I was loved. I was loved so well by the people I love back. And as my birthday came to a close, I looked in the mirror and cried. I cried because I saw myself, a 19 year old, who was blessed in more ways than I could have ever asked for. There were two specific groups of people that I felt urged to pray through my tears for. I won't go in to details, but I will say I began to think of people who may be in situations they are unhappy with, and spend their birthday feeling the exact opposite of how I felt during mine. So if this is you, know that I'm thinking of you. Not judging, but lifting you up in prayer that your birthdays to come will be birthdays you've always dreamed of.
So on your next birthday, sweet reader, I have one request of you: remembrance. Remember the people who would love to have a birthday like you. Remember the people who don't feel as loved as you do on their special day. This will evoke an extreme amount of gratitude and will help you to look at things just a little bit differently. And if you are the person who would love to have birthday like someone else, know that I am praying for you. I'm praying and believing that God will touch your life and bless you with every birthday wish your heart could ever dream of. Don't give up, your dream birthday is coming.
With much love and thankfulness,
Ashley
For those of you who don't know, I turned 19 two days ago! Woohoo! Of course, as soon as the month of November came I had already put my birthday on my desk calendar and was counting down the days until the big one-nine (college has also taught me having something to look forward to is extremely good for the soul). The day slowly moved closer and I grew more and more excited. The night before my birthday, before I went to sleep, I said a prayer for my 19th year of life. I want it to be a great year with big things happening for me and I know that is impossible without God.
I also knew the next time I opened my eyes I would be 19 years old. Which, if you're a college student you know this, sleep in college (if you even get any) is, well... a game of chance. Waking up in the middle of the night will become the new norm. And that's exactly what I did. I woke up around 3 AM and was hit with the reality that I was older. And when I say hit, I mean HIT. I literally felt older. But being a tired, now 19 year old college student, I think I might have said happy birthday to myself before rolling over to fall back asleep again.
I woke up again around 7:50 and was greeted by several "Happy Birthday" texts followed by my boyfriend who made sure he was the first one here to tell me happy birthday. He was in a hurry so he ran in, placed my gift on my my nightstand, (which I was unaware of), told me happy birthday, and headed off to class. As I closed the door behind him I noticed the gift on my nightstand: a card and a Kendra Scott necklace. The card was one of the most touching and sincere cards I have ever received. I, of course, cried. (thanks again, J!) I then remembered that I had been told I had a package that I needed to pick up. Expecting to receive a general care package, I started to pretend it would be a birthday gift I'd be receiving. Little did I know it WAS in fact a birthday gift and it was from the one and only Grace Ann, my very best friend from high school. Again, I was more than touched by her generosity and her time and effort to make me feel special on my birthday.
I went the rest of my day feeling so loved, and I am so grateful for that. But along with feeling loved, I felt something else. I could see it in myself, too. I was older. Okay so obviously I was older, but I could not seem to figure out why I felt how I did. Every single year I turned older, so why on my 19th birthday did I finally feel older? Again, it hit me.
I felt older because when you're 17, waiting to become 18, all you can think about is becoming an "adult" (as written in one of my other posts, we have no idea what "adulthood" is). You think about all the things you can do, the places you can go, and the things you can buy (Spoiler Alert: you'll never get around to half of it). You think about finally becoming a legal adult. But when you turn 19, you realize you ARE an adult. You're not looking forward to all those things you were a year ago; the things you are looking forward to have changed. You're on the other side of it now. This was me yesterday. I sat and thought to myself "Yeah, I'm young and still have my whole life a head of me, but I'm actually getting older." It's a weird feeling, but, the feeling was great.
All in all, my birthday was one of the best birthdays I can remember. I didn't go anywhere super expensive, I didn't receive super expensive gifts, but I was loved. I was loved so well by the people I love back. And as my birthday came to a close, I looked in the mirror and cried. I cried because I saw myself, a 19 year old, who was blessed in more ways than I could have ever asked for. There were two specific groups of people that I felt urged to pray through my tears for. I won't go in to details, but I will say I began to think of people who may be in situations they are unhappy with, and spend their birthday feeling the exact opposite of how I felt during mine. So if this is you, know that I'm thinking of you. Not judging, but lifting you up in prayer that your birthdays to come will be birthdays you've always dreamed of.
So on your next birthday, sweet reader, I have one request of you: remembrance. Remember the people who would love to have a birthday like you. Remember the people who don't feel as loved as you do on their special day. This will evoke an extreme amount of gratitude and will help you to look at things just a little bit differently. And if you are the person who would love to have birthday like someone else, know that I am praying for you. I'm praying and believing that God will touch your life and bless you with every birthday wish your heart could ever dream of. Don't give up, your dream birthday is coming.
With much love and thankfulness,
Ashley
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